Scottish Drivers Association (satire)

Today the Scottish Drivers Association held their annual meeting:

Among the general discussions the following seminary courses were offered:

1. Overtaking On Blind Corners Is Fun

Learn how boring long journeys can be livened up by over taking traffic on blind corners. TIP: Make the experience more fun by over taking only speeding traffic.

2. You Too Can Drink And Drive

Learn how anti-drink driving laws came from the dumb English. Especially as everyone knows that a bottle of Scotch will make a great driver of anybody.

3. Ice As A Travel Aid

Learn how to decrease journeying times by speeding on frozen roads. With less friction to slow you, and brakes as good as useless, ice can be the impatient driver’s best friend.

4. The Secret of Safely Giving Way (For women)

Take revenge on men! Learn how stopping at a junction for 10 seconds before checking if the road is clear can fill your world with enjoyment, as you annoy impatient males stuck behind you.

5. Going Metric (For older male drivers)

Learn to drive in kilometres per hour instead of miles per hour when reading speed limit signs. That means driving at 60kph (40mph) instead of 60mph (100kph) on normal carriageways.

6. How to Park

Learn to spot perfect parking positions for blocking roads and upcoming traffic, thus ensuring a clear road ahead for when you’ve stopped chatting and decided to drive on.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A little satire to lighten the mood, because Scottish drivers are a bloody awful and dangerous bunch.

The speeding and overtaking on bends is especially frightening, because you know if the car doing the manic driving doesn’t make it, they could foul you up in a high-speed crash.

And, yes, I’ve seen drivers on the roads whom could only have been drunk - driving slow, braking at every corner, slowing down whenever there’s oncoming traffic because they can’t judge the distance and speed, etc. Leave plenty of distance behind these morons.

A bigger problem here in the highlands is that most roads are single carriageways, and plenty of single track roads to boot. Which makes availability for safe overtaking pretty limited.

I’ve already come close to being involved in one fatal car accident, and now feel an overwhelming need to take extra safety precautions when driving.

For example, turning on side front lights on even when driving in the daytime when going along main single carriageways.

Bottom line - I may be trying to satirise Scottish drivers, but in reality it’s no laughing matter.